The Mind Lab of Larry Snow|
Tuesday, November 20, 2001
Message from Jim Shooter 3
I posted the wrong set of lyrics yesterday. Larry wanted me to post some lyrics from "Miami" by Will Smith, not "Get Jiggy". Here are the correct lyrics. I think the confusion on my part was due to the "jig it out" part.
"uh- miami yeah, yeah...south beach, bringing the heat- jig it out, uh"
(Posted at 10:07:24 AM EST.)
Monday, November 19, 2001
Message from Jim Shooter 2
Larry called me from Miami again and wanted me to post these lyrics. "Bring it./ Whoo!/
Unh, unh, unh, unh/ Hoo cah cah/ Hah hah, hah hah/ Bicka bicka bow bow bow,/
bicka bow bow bump bump/ What, what, what, what/ Hah hah hah hah".
(Posted at 9:33:41 AM EST.)
Saturday, November 17, 2001
Message from Jim Shooter
Larry has asked me to post on the Mind Lab today and announce that he has arrived in Miami. He says everything is okay.
(Posted at 1:53:58 PM EST.)
Friday, November 16, 2001
Okay. That's it. Since I've seen the light, I'm leaving. I'm off to Miami. Benji, get your sunglasses. There is much to be done.
(Posted at 9:55:28 AM EST.)
Snoopy reappeared today and I've been given a second chance. It seems I may have been barking up the wrong tree and
nobody was actually after Samuel Pepys title after all. Snoopy was taken away from me because my company, Chook
Industries, company-sinned by copyright infringing on Hallmark and Jim Davis's property for a Halloween Party. None of this, as many have been quick to point the filthy finger, is related to some dope smoking groundhog day. My business is my
business and that business is Chook Industries. If I wanted to use the bathroom on Jim Davis property I would march over
to his back yard and do my business. That however is my business. In the end, all this means I've renamed Snoopy because his name is also copyrighted by Charles Shulz. His new name is Benji.
(Posted at 9:10:56 AM EST.)
Thursday, November 15, 2001
The Ghost of Tiny Tim
I was visited by a third ghost last night, the ghost of Tiny Tim. I cried, "Tiny Tim what do you want?!?!" And Tiny Tim crutch
whipped me. I hid under my bed screaming like a fool all night.
(Posted at 8:28:59 AM EST.)
Wednesday, November 14, 2001
Please email me Stone circle Links
Dammit... I can't find my Indian communing with grizzly bear shirt. How am I ever
going to figure out what a stone circle looks like. If you have any stone circle links could you please email them to me.
(Posted at 11:55:42 AM EST.)
Samuel Pepys's secret diary
I've figured out what my visit from Samuel Pepys meant. Pepys kept a secret diary on supernatural saracen stones and this is
the key to getting Snoopy back. I figure if I can fashion a makeshift stone circle here in my office, then I can perhaps make some prognosticfry onto those individuals who have Snoopy in their possession for their three dog blood transfusion. In the
name of science my ass! Pepy, don't worry about loosing your title, and Chuck I'm getting Snoopy back.
(Posted at 11:50:50 AM EST.)
The Ghost of Samuel Pepys
I've been visited by a second ghost!!! Last night when I went home I met the ghost Samuel Pepys, the first man who ever did a
blood transfusion BETWEEN TWO DOGS! What does it all mean? Is this, was this, or will it be Snoopy's fate? The only
thing that I can figure out, is someone must be trying to break Samuel Pepys record by performing a blood transfusion between
three dogs, and THE THIRD DOG IS SNOOPY.
(Posted at 9:08:58 AM EST.)
Tuesday, November 13, 2001
The Ghost of Charles Schulz
Last night I was visited by the ghost of Charles Schulz. I swear! He said, "You've treated
your dog Snoopy badly, and now he has run away!" Then he pointed an ominiminous finger at
me and he said, "Come with me." So I did. We walked down this hall and he pointed through
a window and sitting by a fireplace was me with Snoopy. He said, "This is what could have been." I hope it was all just a bad dream.
(Posted at 8:41:50 AM EST.)
Monday, November 12, 2001
MASS FOWARD Email Button
I have no idea whatsoever how I am going to figure this out by noon. All this email has to be MASS FORWARDed with
immediacy. They need to make the MASS FORWARD email button bigger, and red like a stop sign. Otherwise when people
need it, they have no idea how to find it.
(Posted at 9:53:26 AM EST.)
Saturday, November 10, 2001
Lonely at the top.
Damn. Saturday night, and I'm alone in my office. But I always knew that being this successful was going to be isolating. I'm just a little lonely now that Snoopy's not around. I bet my new earring might get me some down at Bru River. I ought to look into that. I think I'll head down there after I call Min Dao over at the Taiwan line. I hope that Snoopy's getting some good stuff wherever he is.
(Posted at 9:58:25 PM EST.)
I'm starting to get scared. Snoopy is still MIA. What if... what if my this is a sign? Like a karma thing?
(Posted at 9:26:30 AM EST.)
Thursday, November 8, 2001
Snoopy is still a no show... I'm starting to feel disallusioned with everything. I can't figure out how old I am, my feather ear ring is looking a little long in the tooth, Snoopy's gone... I need a joint.
(Posted at 10:06:39 AM EST.)
Wednesday, November 7, 2001
Snoopy died! Oh no! Snoopy died! Actually, I just can't find him. So maybe he's just run off somewhere. But something tells me, like a great voice from beyond, that he is dead, stabbed to death in a back alley knife fight! Snoopy's died! NOOOOOOO!!!
(Posted at 8:08:45 AM EST.)
Tuesday, November 6, 2001
Please Disregard Previous Comments...
That last part wasn't meant to be typed. And Jim just pointed out to me that today isn't Monday. What I can't figure out is how he manages to get those 2 for Tuesday deals from Flannery's on a Wednesday. I bet he's in tight with the manager or something. Nobody ever tells me anything.
(Posted at 12:45:50 PM EST.)
I'm so glad it's Monday. I thought it was Saturday until noon when Jim came in and asked me if I wanted him to pick me up some 2 for Tuesday burgers from Flannery's. I already ate lunch though, and it was delicious. Thanks for my breakfast sandwiches, Jim! I'm so glad it's Monday. They don't know about my stash- don't tell them.
(Posted at 12:39:14 PM EST.)
The stench was Snoopy. So I squirted him with some Fabreeze. He smells much better now.
It's odd though, he's got a golf ball sized tattoo of a flaming eyeball on his back. I
wonder how that happened. It looks fresh too, cause it is scabbin up. You better not
pick that scab Snoopy! You'll mess up the ink job!
(Posted at 8:59:31 AM EST.)
Man it reeks in here. Somebody needs to do something about this stench.
(Posted at 1:30:41 PM EST.)
I was smoking up at K-Pax, and I got to thinking, you know - if you remove the "r"
from prot... you get pot... It was such a great idea I got hungry and I had to eat
incredibly fast in order to live, for surely my mind would cannibalize itself left to
its own devices. I can't tell you how much coke and popcorn I ended up dribbling on
that poor woman beside me to the point she yelled at me. When she did, I started
freaking out 1960's style screaming JANIS JOPLIN is ALIVE! K-Pax for my Tampax! And
there it was, I bolted out of theater, bought the Tampax and started rollin like a
fiend. This is gonna be a tsunami sized splash in the drug circles! I CANNOT WAIT A
SECOND LONGER! Rather than pass the joint, people are just gonna "Pull there string."
"Pull the string." And it will it will be like hypodermics too... you don't wanna use
a dirty one
(Posted at 9:31:57 AM EST.)
Saturday, November 3, 2001
What Happened to Larry?
Wow, I just woke up and I'm still in my office. I have no idea how long I was out, either. I hope I'm not loosing time like those alien abductees. When they take you, you lose time and then you wake up in a bathtub full of ice, minus a kidney. Luckily, the bathroom in my office only has a stand up shower. It smells like pot in here. I wonder if I should have security look into that.
(Posted at 1:02:29 AM EST.)
I was right the first time
It was definitely Bing Crosby.
(Posted at 2:01:17 PM EST.)
Put wet rags under the door to keep the smell of herb from escaping the room. I picked that one up from David Crosby. No wait, maybe it was Pat Boone.
(Posted at 1:59:31 PM EST.)
I was soooo stoned at Harry Potter
You know I just realized, that I couldn't have possibly seen the matinee today
because it is only 10:00 AM or so. Man, I must be stoned. Either that or I'm time
distortion-nizing. Maybe I'm so high, I had an outer body movie experience. Screw
this metaphysical crap. I'm gonna eat pizza now.
(Posted at 10:30:50 AM EST.)
Well I got to see the matinee of Harry Potter today. Wow. I smoked a nice joint
of pot while I watched it. My new cool hairdo and feather ear ring allow me to engage
in the activities of youth, like dope and Harry Potter. Although I am surprised nobody
said anything to me... They must have been frightened. I guess it is the classic youth
threatening the old gaurd thing. But who cares, all I'm saying is get stoned at Harry Potter! Man the kids are gonna love this
(Posted at 10:20:50 AM EST.)
Thursday, November 1, 2001
The movie line hung up on me three times in a row. I never did figure out what time "Harry Potter" started. I saw K-Pax instead.
(Posted at 8:21:27 PM EST.)
Oh my... the title to the last post is a ghost. Where did it "go"st. Ha-ha-ha. Man I'm funny.
(Posted at 9:38:54 AM EST.)
This post is in reference to the incident involving Jim’s winning, and
subsequent loosing of the title employee of the year. Well Jim, I can’t
help that you don’t read the “Mind Lab” on a regular basis. As you
know, I’m a busy hip man, with a hip dew, and in the world of hip, we
the hip don’t have time to tell everything that we decide to those who are unhiply affected by our decision making processi. So when I placed the reward for the title in your file
cabinet, how was I to know that the puppy would do his business on your
important paper work? And I’m sorry that spent all day cleaning it
up. If you had of checked your file cabinet before you left work, then
Snoopy wouldn’t have been in their overnight. You’re damn lucky that he
survived. And yes Jim, you may have been very upset you lost months of
hard work to a mire of puppy mess, but all I’m saying is this, in the
future, Jim, maybe you should “think” before you give your opinions so
freely especially if you are a little upset. Because when we are upset,
we all have a tendency to say things we regret. Now I know you were
afraid I’d fire you when I asked you how old I looked. You voiced this
concern several times, and as and I told you then, I’m bigger than
that. But honestly Jim, your reply, “Larry… the haircut really doesn’t
suit you…” was the wrong answer. My age has nothing to do with my
choice in hairstyles. You still have your job Jim, but you’ve lost your
employee of the year title as well Snoopy the crappy puppy which I have
(Posted at 8:59:01 AM EST.)
Wednesday, October 31, 2001
If I owned a Lincoln Navigator, I would get the license plate: "navig8r". I hope nobody mistakes me for a l337 HAxx3r. (That's hacker-speak for "good hacker")
(Posted at 6:25:32 PM EST.)
Nobody better wear my costume
And when I say "nobody", I mean "nobody". I wonder what I'm going to come as.
(Posted at 7:33:27 AM EST.)
Tuesday, October 30, 2001
Star Employee of the Year
Starting this year, and each year from here on out, I will choose an
employee whose excellence in workplace I feel is invaluable. This year
that employee is Mr. Shooter, or as we know him, just Jim. Jim is a
good man who has done much for our company. As his reward he shall
receive "the gift of excellence", a puppy dog, named Snoopy.
(Posted at 8:27:19 AM EST.)
The Rings of Time Distort-ionizing
See that! I even said yesterday in my previous post. Yesterday to me was actually two days ago, Friday. Time passes
uncontrollably around me, just like in Star Trek where sometimes the episodes look old and sometimes they look new. Sometimes the actors just change for no apparent reason. It is because of what they call a worm hole, or a ring of
chronological distort-ionizing. What is more is the distort-ionizing envelopes I create around me are cool and exciting. For
example, if you walk in my office, I might call you over and pull a quarter from out behind your ear.
Check out this Einstein who has found a cool and exiting time distort-ionizing ring too.
(Posted at 8:24:53 AM EST.)
How old is Larry # 2
I didn’t get to finish this thought yesterday. As I was saying my
immediate answer would be older than the universe itself, because my
mind, not attached to my flesh body, is a part of the collective of
space minds. Therefore age doesn’t matter and for the people who think
my Keith Moon haircut and blue jay feather earring look dumb, we’ll you can just go hang out with your unenlightened non-space minds. Still if
somebody knew my actual age, could they send me a memo with my age on
(Posted at 8:07:13 AM EST.)
How old is Larry.
A lot of people have asked themselves how old is Larry. My immediate
answer would be older than time itself. But – THAT STINKING PUPPY! Snoopy just
made a mess again! I’m not into throwing puppies, but I may throw this one
right back in the dumpster where I found him.
Another Garbage Puppy
(Posted at 8:39:48 AM EDT.)
Thursday, October 25, 2001
I need to know how old I am. Seriously.
(Posted at 1:32:40 PM EDT.)
bought myself several dozen handkerchiefs with monograms on them today. I like to pull them out of my pockets like a magician and whip the secretaries’ buttocks when they go giggling by. It isn't like just snapping them with a wet towel, but snapping them with a symbol of sophistication with your name initialled on it.
H for Hankypanky
(Posted at 1:30:29 PM EDT.)
Wednesday, October 24, 2001
How old am I am?
I forgot how old I am. This is becoming a grave a concern. If somebody
could please email me and let me know as soon as possible how old I am, I
would be indebted. Alright, I have to cut this post short, Snoopy just
used the bathroom on the fax machine.
(Posted at 7:54:21 AM EDT.)
Tuesday, October 23, 2001
I got a haircut today, sort of like one of those Keith Moon deals. I
also got a really nice blue jay feather earring. It doesn’t look tacky
at all. If anything it really sets off the red highlights in my hair.
Damn. I’m the hippest 55 year old man I ever met… wait… or am I 45?
Damn, I’m so hip I forgot how old I am.
(Posted at 11:13:02 PM EDT.)
Good job Snoopy. Now for your reward.
I'm taking you to Ren-Fest.
Don't bite the minstrels!
(Posted at 6:26:18 PM EDT.)
Don't Worry Snoopy! Christmas is just around the corner!
I know you probably aren't to happy about luggin Bono and all his Zooropa money around Snoopy, but Christmas is almost upon us. And if you are a good dog, Santa is going to treat you right with dogie-treats!!! I promise! Maybe Santa will even let you pull his sleigh, and we can charge him a couple bucks... you know... for the milk and cookies.
Ho-Ho-Ho!!! Merry Christmas!
(Posted at 6:11:09 PM EDT.)
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- Larry Snow